Our favorite doc is always talking about "Theory of Mind". It refers to the fact that an individual is incapable of seeing a point of view other than his own.
To me that implies that my son does not, cannot care about other people's feelings. That's hard for a mom to accept. I want my son to grow into a loving, caring young man. His handicap may not allow that to happen.
I felt it so strongly this Christmas season. I got some nasty bug and was sick for the two weeks surrounding Christmas. The day after Thanksgiving, we went to our favorite tree lot and chose a fresh tree. As a family, we narrowed it down to a few, but allowed Kyle to make the final decision.Kyle was happy to drag the tree to the checkout then returned to his book in the car. Then I watched as my dear husband meticulously tied it to the roof of the car.
We rearranged the living room at least three times trying to place the tree this year. Since last year, we acquired a very large TV, so finding a pleasant arrangement presented quite a challenge. It was cozy to say the least!
We did not decorate it right away, but got busy in the holiday fuss at our respective jobs. Then I got sick. By the time we decorated, it was getting pretty dried out.
But decorate we finally did. I'm not proud of how that came about. I was feeling sorry for myself since I was sick. Neither of my guys stepped forward and took care of the things that I usually did. So, when the tree did not get decorated, I accused them both of not caring.
With this of course, they both sprang into action. My hubby helped to locate all the trimmings and light the tree and my son helped me place the ornaments. On our tree, each item has a story. Some are items each of my three children have made. Some were gifts from my students or other special people. Some are antique glass ornaments that belonged to my grandmother, others were found at a yard sale and matched my grandma's. A couple represent milestones, such as a brass cut-out of the church we were married in. Only a few are store bought, just because I thought they were pretty.
So now, on my last day of vacation, I am taking them all down. Hubby is at work and Kyle is still asleep, so I can take each item off the tree, reminisce and tuck it safely away until next year. Kyle has promise to help right away next year. Does he really care? or is the prospect of not putting up a tree just not acceptable to him? I may never know. But doc has said that aspies "can" learn to overcome other aspects of their condition. I pray my son will learn see life through other people's eyes.
He is up now. So, we will see if I can get him to help me carry the tree outside willingly :)