Tears and Hot Chocolate

March 6, 2013

My boy is growing so much this year, and in so many ways.

When we came home from school today, Kyle immediately grabbed the leash and announced that he was taking Percy for a walk. When we got this dog, it was difficult for him to handle all the energy a 10 week old puppy can dish out. He would try to play with him, get scratched or nipped, then stomp off to his room to read a book or something.

Now here he was offering to spend time with the dog, go outside and actually walk down the street without being prompted. I do suspect he was trying to avoid dealing with the news I had given him on the ride home.

Earlier that day, I went into our den to get the vacuum cleaner. We keep our pet gerbil, Goldie there on Kyle’s desk. Whenever I am in there, I take a peek to make sure all is well. Normally, I tap the cage door and she peeks out at me. I usually give her a pumpkin seed or one of the unidentified pellets from her seed mixture. She particularly liked the pinkish ones.

Today it was very quiet in there, so I tapped the cage door. I could see her curled up in the shred at the bottom of her cage. She didn’t move so I tapped again. Nothing. She was gone.

I picked Kyle up right after school. I wanted him to have plenty of time in the evening to shed tears and say his goodbyes. There would still be homework and evening chores, so it would be better if he met with his friends another day.

I told him in the car while we were still in the school parking lot. Even though she was almost 5 years old, he blamed himself for not taking better care of her. Now he was taking this walk before he chose to go see her.

He was only gone about ten minutes. I was surprised and asked if everything had gone ok. He said it did, but he decided to turn around before he reached the end of the road. “There was a girl walking in front of me. She kept turning around and staring at me. I think she thought I was following her and I was freaking her out. So, I turned around early.”

Something people with Asperger’s have difficulty with is reading social clues. Especially, non-verbal ones. The fact that he noticed that he was making her nervous, even though she didn’t say anything to him is a huge step forward for him.

So, now it was time to take care of Goldie. He approved of the box I found, but insisted on putting clean bedding in it for her. “That’s to apologize to her for not taking better care of her” he said. I chose a place in the garden behind the gardenia. He liked the idea that the bush will have white flowers soon. I had dug the hole already when he came out with the box. Then he suddenly decided she needed a toilet paper tube in there with her and ran back inside.

You see, empty toilet paper tubes were the only chew toy Goldie enjoyed. We spent more money on that silly little rodent than I ever dreamed I would. But she ignored every chew block, biscuit and stick we got her. Finally, one of us stuck an empty toilet paper tube in there for her to crawl through. She promptly chewed it to bits! From then on, we couldn’t use tp fast enough for her. Sometimes I would even bring one home for work.

Kyle was back outside in a few moments and gently put the box in the hole. He took the shovel from my hands and covered the hole with soft dirt. He gave it a couple pats and looked at me. I raked the mulch over and gave him a hug. Then we walked inside.

In the kitchen, we made hot chocolate. We whipped some cream, heated the milk and stirred in the chocolate. As we sipped together, we talked of hot chocolate and how to make the best cup. No more was said of the little golden ball of fur that had gone on without us.

Dear Lord, thank you for my wonderful son. I pray he will continue to grow strong, wise and to be a man chasing after your heart. Amen

Aspie Friends

My son has a friend. A best friend, a very special friend. Someone he can be himself with, obsess over video games, talk in rapid fire monotone while pacing the floor with his DS in his hands. Basically, someone he can be autistic around.

They met in 2^nd and 3^rd grade. They are the same age, but his friend is a year ahead of him. He is very smart, so his parents gained permission to enroll him in Kindergarten early. He and my son were in a combined second and third grade class and a bond was formed.

A year later, his friend switched schools. The two remained friends, going to each other’s birthday parties and hanging out during school breaks. They continue to be friends to this day, even though they are in eighth and ninth grades. My son is still in a small Christian school; his friend is in a magnet high school.

They can go for weeks, even months without a chance to speak to each other. But when that call comes, the joy on my son’s face is unmatched. He will snatch up the phone and march to his room and stay for hours if we let them.

Most of the time, my son acts and speaks pretty normal. He has learned over the years what normal is supposed to look like. He can sit quietly, pay attention in class, make eye contact and even extend his hand when meeting an adult. I am so proud of him.

But when he is interacting with this one, special friend, everything is different.  My soul is torn apart by emotion as I watch him joyfully slip back into his autistic behavior. My heart soars to see him so happy, but breaks with the reminder of how different he really. My prayer for aspies everywhere would be for them to find that one special friend.

Peace on Feather Beach

Feather Beach is the name of our chicken enclosure. Thought I would have some fun with the fact that I use a sand floor, live in Florida and have some beach decor to spare.
I love my girls! And like any good mama I don't like to see them fight. I especially don't like bullying and seeing blood drawn. But, that is sometimes the world of chickens.
We have 5. A golden comet named Haley (my husbands pun) a black giant named NightWhite (she had a single white feather on each wing until she started to lay. Kyle named her.) Snowy is one of 3 easter eggers, white with black flecks, Sadlie is a lovely buff color and has a beard. And then, there is Raven.

 

Raven is EE#3, mostly black with white flecks, I think it is called penciling. She has never wanted to be petted, picked up or handled in any way. As a chick, she would often seem to push her sisters around and try to be first at everything. Kyle named her because the markings on her head when she was a chick reminded him of a bird of prey.

When they began to lay, she seemed to settle down a bit. Still bossy from time to time, but nothing serious. Until this past weekend.
She seemed more agressive than usual all week. Then I noticed her picking on NightWhite. I saw her jump on her back and attack her a couple times, so I chased her off. Friday evening I saw that Nightwhite had a cut on the back of her neck. I went to the feed store and got some Blue Lotion to put on it. The deep blue covered the bright red wound and even had a simular iridescence to  her beautiful black feathers.

But her safety was short lived. The next day I had just finished putting in a bed of onions when I heard loud cries from the pen. I looked up just in time to see Raven on NightWhite's back. I ran to the pen and she got off, but Nightwhite did not get up right away. She did however when I got the pen open. She flew to the highest roost. Since she was safe, I was determined to get Raven out of there and away from the rest. I got a hold of her and put her in my travel cage. Just enough room in there for her,  a perch, food and water, but not much else. I did not feel right to leave her in there for long.
NightWhite's neck was torn open again. With Fred's help, I poured peroxide on it them more Blue Lotion. I needed a better solution for the night. A friend of mine loaned me a decent sized cage that was missing a side. Fred and I attached it with bungee cords to the side of the pen. Raven spent the night and all of next day in it.
When I came home from work, I saw that Raven had knocked her water over. I let everyone out so I could watch them interact. I tipped the waterer back up and Raven spent the next several minutes drinking from it.

 

I put the rest of the girls in the back yard and put Raven in the pen by herself. I left her drinking yet more water and went inside for a while. About a half hour later I heard her calling. I went out and let them all free range together for awhile. There seemed to be no problems, so I put them in the pen together for the night. Last I checked, they were all lined up on the perch for the night.
Peace has once again returned to the coop, for now :)
From what I am reading, and others are telling me, sometimes you need to isolate an agressive bird for awhile. Hopefully, they peace will last until we can enlarge their area.

 

perspective

Why is it that I try to put so much thought into this blog, that I never end up posting anymore.....

Perfectionism. I want to blog my experiences and feelings with the hope that I can connect with and help others in my position. So, I need time to get inspired, open a word document, type something inspirational that will be a good read and inspire others, spell check, read through at least 3 times to make sure it is something that meets my expectations, add some stuff I forgot, spell check again........

Oh yeah, then I need to add pictures and choose a font! Then I copy and paste onto my page and try to find a Bible verse that fits the occasion.

No wonder my last post was in January.

But I am perfectly fine with typing a single sentence or question onto my facebook page. At this point I have already read this post through for the 3rd time. I am not helping anyone this way.
So, with this post I will try to start anew. I will be more kind to myself, and anyone who is still reading this.

Tonight we enjoyed leftovers and watched a few innings of the Rays game. It is the top of the 7th and I am the only one still watching. Hubby has retreated to the office to work on our taxes and my boy is in the shower, rather late, and preparing for bed. The highlight of our day was checking his grades online. Four A's and a B so far. We are only a week and a half into the grading period, but I wanted to catch him doing well and celebrate the moment. He announced to my that he was no longer going to try to make Honor Roll. He was going for Principal's List!

I love my family and my life. Thank you Lord!

Mountains and Valleys

Life is so full. It has ups and downs everyday. Stress, busyness, sickness and sometimes even loss are intermixed with happiness and joy. It can be an emotional rollercoaster for the heart and mind.

It seems difficult to predict how my son will react. Some things we’ve learned are just not good for him such as loud noisy crowds and video games. A room full of rambunctious children can send him crouched in a corner with his hands over his ears. Most video games he can only handle for about 30 minutes before he loses his temper.

There are other times when I feel he should be reacting more, or differently. This week has been one of those very full weeks. Last Friday, he was looking forward to going home with a friend. When the boy’s mother arrived to pick them up, he said he did not want my son to come over. We still don’t know why, but they are friends again today. It was a sad afternoon for him, but he buried himself in his books.

 The next day, we went to pick out baby chicks to start our flock. I surprised him by taking him to a farm where I knew they had baby black chicks. They had other types too, but he has had his heart set on a black one for over a year now. I had not planned to get chicks at this place because she was more expensive, but I knew he really wanted a black one. He was calm, but happy as she let him take the net and scoop up the chick of his choice. It was a Black Sex-Link (black ones are female, white ones are male). He named her “Nightwing”. He held her box close and talked to her while we drove to the next farm. There we purchased our Golden Comet “Hailey” and our Easter Egger “Annabelle”. When we got home, he was calm and helpful as we set up the brooder box.

 The next morning was the local BAHA Horse Show. He placed 1^st in Trail and 2^nd in Equitation. Again, he was excited but acted pretty much as expected. It was his first show on “James” the Percheron he has been riding. He is a very large horse, so he had to have a leader as a precaution. But he didn’t seemed to mind too much.

Monday was a holiday; Martin Luther King Day. It was a day off of school for Kyle and off of work for me. We had a lazy day at home with the chicks, tv and a few chores. In the afternoon we headed out to pick up my hubby from work. We met him halfway at our friends’ house.  My hubby’s boss is the husband of one of my best friends . So, he sometimes rides with him and our families hang out together. This day was a short visit. Us girls all talked while the boys played out back. Then the husbands arrived so we stayed a little while.

I started hearing noises out back and was about to go out when her husband came in. He said that Kyle had stepped on something. When I got out there, he was screaming and holding his foot. Whatever he had stepped on had gone through his shoe and into his foot. He had ripped it out himself and threw it away in anger. His screams drew the neighbors attention and he said all sorts of unkind things about never playing out back again. He finally calmed down when we reminded him that we were going to his favorite ice cream place.

The next day my Mom became very ill. It took some convincing to get her to go to the hospital. I kept Kyle posted on how she was doing, without too many details. He seemed fine with it all, just sort of matter of fact.  His foot really isn’t healing like it should, but he had a checkup scheduled for Wednesday. The doctor said if it did not improve by Friday, we would need to call in some antibiotics. My Dad already had day surgery scheduled for Thursday and Mom was still in the hospital facing surgery herself. This has made for a crazy, stress filled week at best. Then Thursday morning, we lost Nightwing.

I had warned Kyle that she did not seem as strong as the others. She was listless and did not grow like the others (yes, baby chicks do grow in only 4 days). When I got up that morning, all three chicks woke up as usual. Hailey and Annabelle went to the food dish and began to eat. Nightwing seemed to just reposition herself and go back to sleep. A few minutes later, she was gone.

When I woke Kyle, I gently told him that she did not make it. At first I thought he would be ok. But when he saw her tucked into the little tin I found for her, he fell to pieces.

So, before dawn, we buried her at the foot of our peach tree. We both stood crying and hugging in the moonlight. How can we become so attached in five short days! As sad as I am for the little bird, I am  more upset to see Kyle so sad. I had hoped to give him enough warning to prevent all this. But he has not had to deal with death very much in his thirteen years, except for pets.

So, Dad’s surgery went fine and he is home. Mom’s lab tests came back saying there is no cancer. Hopefully, they will do a procedure today and she will be home soon. Nightwing is in heaven. Life goes on.

As exhausted as I am, I woke up 2 hours early today. The coffee is warm and sweet and there are few distractions. The house is quiet except for the occasional scratching and pecking from the brooder box. It has been a perfect time to write. Now it’s time to start the day. I have to check Kyle’s foot first thing to see if it is improving. Hopefully, Mom will come home and things will calm down.  I am looking forward being out in the sunshine today, setting up activities for my students and watching for hawks in the sky.  Times like that are when I can most feel the Lord’s embrace.

As rough of a week as it was, the Lord has seen us through. I pray for strength and guidance always, and for a quieter week ahead.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” James 1:2-3 NIV

Taking down the tree

Our favorite doc is always talking about "Theory of Mind". It refers to the fact that an individual is incapable of seeing a point of view other than his own.

To me that implies that my son does not, cannot care about other people's feelings. That's hard for a mom to accept. I want my son to grow into a loving, caring young man. His handicap may not allow that to happen.

I felt it so strongly this Christmas season. I got some nasty bug and was sick for the two weeks surrounding Christmas. The day after Thanksgiving, we went to our favorite tree lot and chose a fresh tree. As a family, we narrowed it down to a few, but allowed Kyle to make the final decision.Kyle was happy to drag the tree to the checkout then returned to his book in the car. Then I watched as my dear husband meticulously tied it to the roof of the car.

We rearranged the living room at least three times trying to place the tree this year. Since last year, we acquired a very large TV, so finding a pleasant arrangement presented quite a challenge. It was cozy to say the least!

We did not decorate it right away, but got busy in the holiday fuss at our respective jobs. Then I got sick. By the time we decorated, it was getting pretty dried out.

But decorate we finally did. I'm not proud of how that came about. I was feeling sorry for myself since I was sick. Neither of my guys stepped forward and took care of the things that I usually did. So, when the tree did not get decorated, I accused them both of not caring.

With this of course, they both sprang into action. My hubby helped to locate all the trimmings and light the tree and my son helped me place the ornaments. On our tree, each item has a story. Some are items each of my three children have made. Some were gifts from my students or other special people. Some are antique glass ornaments that belonged to my grandmother, others were found at a yard sale and matched my grandma's. A couple represent milestones, such as a brass cut-out of the church we were married in. Only a few are store bought, just because I thought they were pretty.

So now, on my last day of vacation, I am taking them all down. Hubby is at work and Kyle is still asleep, so I can take each item off the tree, reminisce and tuck it safely away until next year. Kyle has promise to help right away next year. Does he really care? or is the prospect of not putting up a tree just not acceptable to him? I may never know. But doc has said that aspies "can" learn to overcome other aspects of their condition. I pray my son will learn see life through other people's eyes.

He is up now. So, we will see if I can get him to help me carry the tree outside willingly :)

Christmas "Nom - Noms"

Silly name, I know. But that is what my son calls exceptionally good food. It can be anything from a new dinner dish to a decadent dessert. So, to share our holiday food adventures, it seems a fitting title.

For Christmas Eve, I wanted something simple but special. Nutritious finger food without a lot of clean up. So, I made my very first "Wood Fired Pizza". I watched Alton Brown make one so I had to give it a try.

Now we try to stay with organic foods as much as possible, but to make this easy, I purchased a ball of dough from the bakery department. Not organic, but it does not contain the worst of the additives that we try to avoid. I also used some of the sauce from a jar of organic spaghetti sauce. Fresh organic bell peppers and mushrooms and all natural shredded mozzarella for the top and I was ready to go to the grill.

Yes, I did say grill. I don't own a fancy wood fire oven in my back yard. I do have an old charcoal grill and an endless supply of oak from our trees. I rolled out the dough, oiled the grill and used a cookie sheet as a peel. I cooked the dough on one side then turned it and added my toppings.

I did end up finishing it under the broiler of my oven. When I cooked the first side, I left the lid up so I could watch it cook. I closed it for the second side, but my fire had burned way down. Next time, I will close the lid both times for more even cooking.

Simple ingredients, but SO tasty with the flavor of the oak. The only other suggestion my guys made for next time was to buy 2 balls of dough :)

Christmas morning I made my Hawaiian Banana Bread. In a blender, puree 2 ripe bananas, 1 stick of butter and 2 eggs. In a large bowl, sift together 1 1/2 cups of flour, 1 teaspoon of baking soda and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Pour in the banana mixture from the blender and mix until just combined. You can bake these in muffins cups for about 12-15 minutes at 350 F, or grease and flour a bread pan and bake for about 25 minutes. Today's batch was plain, but it's also good with dark chocolate chips.

Since it was just the three of us, I kept dinner simple this year. I was disappointed at the selection of hams at the markets I shopped at. They were either glazed, spiral cut or both. I finally settled on a smoked, but uncured spiral cut ham. I followed the directions to heat it and made my own glaze from canned organic pineapple, cloves and local honey. I cooked it in a covered roasting pan, then uncovered it for the last 15 minutes. I made my own scalloped potatoes, steamed organic broccoli and reheated us each a roll we brought home from dinner out 2 nights back. Homemade chocolate cake and frosting brought our meal to a close.

Back to the kitchen for me. This is my bake day since we are having Christmas with more family this week. If you are reading my rants, allow me to close by wishing you and yours a

Very Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year.

In His love,

Beth